what a feeling.

I never understood before, I never knew what love was for. My heart was broke, my head was sore; What a feeling

Tied up in ancient history, I didnt believe in destiny. I looked up you're standing next to me; What a feeling.

I never saw it happening, I'd given up and given in. I just couldn't take the hurt again; What a feeling

I didn't have the strength to fight, suddenly you seemed so right. Me and you; What a feeling.

What a feeling in my soul, Love burns brighter than sunshine. Let the rain fall, I don't care. I'm yours and suddenly you're mine.

Love will remain a mystery but give me your hand and you will see Your heart is keeping time with me.

i love the way you lie.

i love you has eight letters but so does bullshit.

every word you said,
every thing you did,
every kiss,
every hug,
every smile
was a lie.

but what it could of been; you're that maybe i'll hold onto, the chance that if something has just gone differently maybe my life would of changed. It's never going to happen, but i cling to that shed of hope that maybe if i could go back and change things, it would all somehow be better. infact i think we all have that one moment we wish we had of said yes instead of no or turned away and never looked back instead of staying and just thinking: maybe things will change.hope and denial seem to co-inside with eachother, your waiting for a miracle to save you when if its a miracle your hopeing for isnt that just dumb? arent miracles there because they just dont happen that often. but whats fate?


just going to stand there and watch me burn, but thats alright because i like the way it hurts
just going to stand there and watch me cry but thats alright because i love the way you lie; i love the way you lie.

im sorry, blame it on me

"As life goes on I'm starting to learn more and more about responsibility
and i realise everything i do is affecting the people around me
so i want to take this time out to apologize for the things that I've done."

im sorry, its a phrase we use more then a million times in our lifes, we say it because we have to, want to, need to or know that if we dont we wont ever be forgiven.
its the easiest thing to say but can be the hardest

to you people ive ever hurt, im sorry.

to a girl, alcohol begun our stupid upset in our friendship and for every drunken over reaction or self obessed cry or calling you a bitch for a stupid meaningless crush.
i will always be there for you, i love you.
im sorry, blame it on me.

to a boy, i never was honest to you and i hurt you in a way i wouldnt wish on you. as a friend you mean so much to me, you are a sweet honest nice person, and im so sorry that it turned out this way.
im sorry, blame it on me.

to a girl, even though its no excuse i promise it just came out and i should of thought before i spoke and i know that our friendship is inevitably ruined and im no longer your number one, but i can live with that just as long as you know im here whenever the times get tough, when the world brings you down im here for you.
i love you.
im sorry, blame it on me.

to a boy, i made things so complicated, i never learnt when to back off and stop. i made it your fault when you were honest from the start. you are the kindest most amazing kid, you make me laugh everytime i see you. if i ruined anything for you.
i am sorry, blame it on me.

to a girl, oh god where to begin, every day you are amazing, i value and your love more then anything. just knowing i hurt you breaks me down so bad, if i could change things i would.
you are my life, my roll model, i love you more then words.
im sorry,blame it on me.

If i cant apologise for being wrong, then its just a shame on me, i'll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me.

love you or love you not

i have always made a promise to myself to never let my feelings be put out in writing.
it will always find away of coming back to haunt me, and yet as my fingers stroke the keys i cannot help but think that by putting this down in writing im cementing it in to history, that someone will always know i felt this way.

to the girl,
you told me last night i wasnt special that people feel have felt this way before,
your right, you've felt it, you still feel the aftermath of it.
im not anything special in this situation, im just fucking stuff up.
im so very sorry, this whole thing has caused a stake inside our friend ship, and i cannot begin to say how much you mean to me. i love you and your opinion of me is always held in my highest reguard.

to the guy,
i have to put this out there, i cant make up my mind, im not sure wether i want you, but then i again i know i do. i've been hurt before im so wary of any person i let in, and im so afraid that by letting you in im just going to be hurt and that why i acted the way i did.
i needed some sort of commitment some kind of proof that i wont be screwed over by life again.
some of the things i said scared you and maybe it means you didnt mean what you said.
but i meant every word, every syllable, every breath.
i am going away and i guess this is the last time we will 'talk' for a while, i'll miss you and im sorry.
i honestly cant help the fact that i like you and that i want you, but i know i just cant have you.
i guess i just feel like the drowning girl in miami shark, you've just eaten me up,
and swam away.

I'm still alive but im barely breathing, just praying to a god that i dont believe in.
I got time while, he got freedom, cause when a heart breaks it don't break even.

baggage reclaim

while time can take you from away the past, every decision we make will follow us around forever.

regrets are the worst thing to carry, they have no handles and always cost a shitload in over weight baggage at airport check in's. As far as emotional baggage goes regrets seem to be the worst, they never leave because you were at fault this time. regrets are often those spur of the moment choices. one moment leads to lots of moments guilt and regret.
how much baggage do you carry from your past?
if it was loaded onto your back would be able to carry it.
or have you put your "belongings" in to a vacum suction bag and made it all seem lighter?
would you pass the 20kg limit at the check in.
can you really fly through your life baggage free?
would your world fit in to your suitcase.
if your baggage is overweight should you try throw out that regret, trying fixing whatever mistake you made in packing that coffee plunger. one regret doesnt take that long to turn into two.
a coffee plunger and a 1kg bag of arabica beans.

we are defined by our emotional suitecase, they change in colours and sizes; brands and makes, to suit our lifes baggage. eventually you my find someone to help carry the bags around your life with you but every person has their own emotional baggage.

maybe people dont realise this but people seem to dump there baggage and problems on people like lowlife bellboys at the hotel of life.
should you go visit baggage reclaim; or would you just regret it.

feels like im falling in love alone

hi, its not like you will ever see this and if you do you will ask who it was thats hurt me.
its seems i used to be able to tell you everything and know that you would be there the second i needed you. im sick of chasing you and your time and im sick of knowing theres a wall between us holding us back.
you used to say to me the bad boys always got the girl, what about me?
where do i fit into your life?
you always said if i needed you no matter when you would come.
where are you now?
you always said i could count on you.
why am i alone?
im so sick of hating you then falling back under your spell the second you text or i see you.
im haunted by the memories and can no longer listen to songs or hear words without thinking of you.
If this is all just some game to you, im telling you it stops now.
you have no IDEA the things im going through and how much i need your help
so i guess the main idea is; fuck you.
fuck your amazing smile
fuck your childish laugh
fuck your soothing voice
fuck you for invading my mind
fuck you for making me happy
fuck you for abandonding me
but mainly fuck you for making me love you.
with unshead tears and a broken heart, Helena.

* this is NOT to an ex.

dedicated to a mystery

happiness, its seen and felt by every person but your discription may differ from that other person.
things that make me happy:
1) music -
music is a language, an outlet for every emotion through poetic words and harmonic chords but most of all whatever mood im in music makes me happy.
2) the beach -
ever lost in thoughts and want to get a away? all it takes in a cool afternoon on a small part of the beach by yourself watching the waves, it may seem lonely but the power the waves have the force they bring to my emotions makes me feel so much better.
3) writing -
wether it means writing music, a blog, my english home work or a story, writing its an outlet for emotions
4) nighttime -
night is still and calm and yet so scary and mysterious the darkness hides anything we do not want to show, the dark makes me happy.
5) friends -
being able to relax and have a fun carefree time with my friends, people i trust and love makes me feel amazing
6) planes -
to most people plane trips are dead boring but to me planes are an amazing force that something so heavy could fly into the sky and move you so far, it perplexes me.
7) cooking -
being in the kitchen is something i enjoy.
being able to take amount of things and putting them together to make something all the more better and being able to share that.
8) running -
its the most invigorating thing, it feels so amazing to run and run and run and to get to that point where you can stop and feeling every muscle and bone hurting from that run but getting excatly what you want from it.
9) laughter -
enough said.
10) living -
life is the most fragile and precious thing we own, infact we dont own it
its a gift that seems to be on loan like someone giving you a tv they are renting only for them to take it back when their lease is up.
without life i wouldnt be happy because i would no longer exist.

so there annoymous while they may seem stupid and lame those things are some of the things that make me my happiest.
the end of my dedication to happiness, but not the end of my happiness.

the lone pine

you are a tree,
the strong trunk.
a branch; a year
a leaf; a day
every single molecule make you that bit different from that next pine.
you grow every day and yearn to fight to get to the sun.
as you grow you may loose your lower branches, leaves may drift and fall to the ground like memories planted at the back of your mind.
but in fighting to grow we then become scared that we shall be cut down; to no longer exist.
and maybe there a trees out there who believe in an after life of being A4 paper or cerial containers.
but eventually your strong, oh so indestructable trunk gets destroyed and will break down to form a new tree, maybe one who's seed has fallen from your branches or the ones of some tree your close to; a new life fighting a new set of trees to reach the sun.

it really seems that we on live to die, your born, you grow up, you die.
yes there is more to life then gaining age.
but whats the point?
for years it has been mans unsolveable question; whats the meaning of life?
but really why are we hear, we are trying to lengthen life now, trying to halt life to continue it at a later date but what is the need.
we grow and grow like the pines in a state forrest but eventually a chainsaw is going to come along and cut you down.
so why did we grow in the first place?

underappreciated

this ones for you.
and you know who you are.

i guess i thought i knew who you were, i see now you were a lesson to learn and all i am to you now is a bridge that's been burned.
now i was the first to believe, i made you a part of my musical deam and your thanks to me, came without an apology.
we wrote loving me for me, dont walk away.
can't hold us down, all a part of our history, dont forget infatuation.
im a fighter; feeling underappreciated
this ones for you to remind you, that i moved on and i sang my songs
ive got no regrets.

it seems,

im sick.
im sick of feeling sick.
im sick of feeling sick about feeling sick.
oh god.

it seems that this is going to be a rant, because yes lachlan dannie was right people do use blogs to vent; even you.

you know how people say, "it feels like every step i take forward i then follow it with two back."
well, thats excatly how i feel, now i could complain about it only i cannot be fucked. i guess the only consellation is that eventually i will move forward, i just have to wait untill i cant take two steps forward with the occasional one back.
it seems that every time i get something right something falls from the pile and it fucks the whole thing up.
its seems.
i keep saying that things seem like this or that, does that mean that everything isnt really happening. that it only feels that way or its some mirage.
lots of things seem like something, but some things are.

its seems .... no
things are fucked.

tell me what are we really doing here.

today is valentines day, if i were to look at what i did last year it would involve being at brodies, with andrew.
and really i just remeber being really happy, but today was not spent by gazing lovingly into a boyfriends eyes.
only funnily enough i did spend it with andrew.
and yes im as shocked as you.
i guess it made me realise how much time has passed between who i was and who ive become.
but when your young how do you trust how you feel?
its never going to last and where is the point?
how do you know when its real?
and if it never is, why do some feelings never leave?

so many questions.
and my answers well, they arent really there.
i have no answers, im still trying to figure this out.

"Is it a minus or a plus, does enough equal enough. If you can't do the math, then nothing adds up, tell me why I'm here. Sure I want someone to understand but I don't need the stress. I'm not about being analyzed like it's some kind of test.
dont have to be a genius to figure what's between us"


but hey my blogs a piece of shit and is not worth subscribing for so i cbf to continue.

and young heart turns to love.

valentines day, what a stupid day.
if some guy likes me could he tell me on a day, ANY other day.
im so sick of everyone being all RAH RAH RAH! valentines day.
but seriously its such a bunch of shit. and a waste of money
and a day where if your single you get made to feel like shit by a bunch of people who by next month probably wont be speaking to eachother.

and yeah maybe because my last relationship megga failed im a little bit rahh at the whole situation.
but atm im so fine with being single and yet i have people being like OMG MY BOYFRIEND GOT BE A ROSE AND ITS GOING TO DIE TOMORROW BUT OMG HOW CUTE!
like wtf? because its a waste of money
and the price of roses goes up 40% during valetines day.
so yeah my valetines day wont involve a sexually enraged boy but at least im not so desperate for attention i actually need one.

on the subject of love.
im realllllllly hating on that word.
sure i use it
but im so sick of stupid girls being all OMG i LOVE you its like ummmm sweetie your 15 youve been dating for like a week stfu? yeahh
cause the chance of you actually getting married or even lasting a year is... oh yeah basically never gonna happen and im so sick of it.
and then theres msn names i HATE peoples msn names that are:
(lets say my name is anna) anna (L) OMG DYLAN YOUR SO MY SOUL MATE!!! ILY!! XOXO :):):) (L)

yes ive seen that.
it actually exists, obviously i changed the name but really? are people THAT clueless.
oh and lets not forget the pm (L)dylan babieeeee (L) ily foreveerrr.

i think im going to spew.
young love.
so fucking pointless

and dear readers, if your single and alone this valentines; just remember ily babbieeeeeee (L)


;)

girt by sea... really wtf?

australians all let us rejoice, for we are young and free

happy australia day
oh what a lame excuse for not going to work or school donning australian falg tattoo's and australian flags, going off to the beach and getting pissed
and sunburnt

We've golden soil and wealth for toil

i think the only reason its there is to make shit loads of money out of people buying australian flags, and australian flag shirts and australian flag shoes and australian flag swimmers AND boardshorts and umbrella hats oh and lots of different types of shitty hats, and lets not forget the fake tattoo's infact im pretty sure you could buy and item for everything you ever need with the australian flag on it.
well done australia its one more extra day of stupid pointless shit to buy :D

Our land abounds in natures gifts, of beauty rich and rare

i mean i dont know anyone who ACTUALLY gives a shit they dont go out of their way to give a fuck anyother day of the year so why is this so important?
to me its just a day where there are extra sluts running around the city in bikini's smoking and getting there tags tanned into their bare tummies.
and all them sickass lads with their ratty's storming up and down the beach.

In history's page let every stage, advance australia fair!

history... hmm the history.
if i was asked to tell you what happend to make australia day so important, i'd probably say that the boats landed somewhere.
cause honestly i have no fucking idea.
nor do i care

In joyful strains then let us sing, advance australia fair

so happy australia day australia, i hope you enjoyed BBQ's, beer, bogans, being burnt, bare tummies and boobs

lets do this one last time for all times sake.

within the first 10 minutes of the new year i wanted to cry.
because assface had done it again.
i find it funny that he couldnt even give me one day of a new year with out having to be a douche.
except that i chilled with kadie and actually had fun :D

i love the ocean.
its so calm and soft but so crazy and bitchy
its kinda like a chick
nice but can be an asshole when it feels like it :D
it felt really nice to go chill in the water again
espesh when the beach was actually nice.

AJGS was preeee shit
its fucking 40 fucking degrees and we have to dance and sing while all the cumberland people were being A+ bitches
but hey what can we expect
and assface was there and saw the show
only i finally hate them and i feel happier now :)


my cousin geoffrey is over and its kind arkward cause its like wtf am i spose to do with a 16 year old guy
it hasnt been to bad tho

jazz camp is soon and im fucking excited cause it should be epicness.
and i heart jazz.


i had something else i was gonna say.
but i dont remember