for once I'd like to believe

So as I sat there in the 11pm Christmas service at St Andrews church
It got me thinking.
Religion
First of all I can't spell it, thank you dictionary.
Okay so many people have written blog’s about this whole god stuff
And I'm going to say it now and so you can refer to this point
I'm not saying that you’re an idiot/loser/fuckwit if you chose to believe or not to believe in god or whatever you do believe in blah blah blah.
Glad that’s over.

People have this discussion all the time, people devote their lives to proving and disproving the bible ect.
But its people who believe in what I believe in that I pity
And that’s nothing
I wish that I could believe that ill die and meet the big man himself and just all “hey, I went to church and I'm sorry for all the mean things I thought about the people I went to high school with can I go to heaven now?”
And then me, god, Jesus and some other dead people can all just be ‘illin in the clouds for eternity. (btw that’s just my simplification of heaven its not like that or whatever)
I just wish that if something bad were to happen that I could kneel down and talk to no one and believe that if I've been good enough god will save me.

I guess something else that makes me thing is the whole: I dedicate my life to god.
I mean wow. Dedicating your life to something that has not be proven or dis-proved
I kinda think that takes courage, to be able to put yourself out there.
Granted the bible has a few contradictions,
God loves everyone…. Except gays.
No one is worthy of heaven….but you can possibly get there.
Yeah… that’s a little weird.

And what about repenting
I could go my whole life “sinning” and then on my death bed repent and mean it and me and heaven are set.
And “hell”? I here its not a place I hear its just dieing and that’s where your life ends.
To me that’s a loop whole cause if you die and go to “hell” but you were holy then you obviously sinned to much.
For those who do believe I want you to get to heaven so you don't end up having believed something so fully and it not being real.
Because that would be a let down.

Merry Christmas :D


btw i havent finished yet.