i have always made a promise to myself to never let my feelings be put out in writing.
it will always find away of coming back to haunt me, and yet as my fingers stroke the keys i cannot help but think that by putting this down in writing im cementing it in to history, that someone will always know i felt this way.
to the girl,
you told me last night i wasnt special that people feel have felt this way before,
your right, you've felt it, you still feel the aftermath of it.
im not anything special in this situation, im just fucking stuff up.
im so very sorry, this whole thing has caused a stake inside our friend ship, and i cannot begin to say how much you mean to me. i love you and your opinion of me is always held in my highest reguard.
to the guy,
i have to put this out there, i cant make up my mind, im not sure wether i want you, but then i again i know i do. i've been hurt before im so wary of any person i let in, and im so afraid that by letting you in im just going to be hurt and that why i acted the way i did.
i needed some sort of commitment some kind of proof that i wont be screwed over by life again.
some of the things i said scared you and maybe it means you didnt mean what you said.
but i meant every word, every syllable, every breath.
i am going away and i guess this is the last time we will 'talk' for a while, i'll miss you and im sorry.
i honestly cant help the fact that i like you and that i want you, but i know i just cant have you.
i guess i just feel like the drowning girl in miami shark, you've just eaten me up,
and swam away.
I'm still alive but im barely breathing, just praying to a god that i dont believe in.
I got time while, he got freedom, cause when a heart breaks it don't break even.
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This is always a messy situation.
ReplyDeleteI know I don't "own" him, but since when do friends go out with friend's exs?
Sure, you can't help who you like - and that's fine - but you know I'd never go out with your most recent ex - and even if I loved him with all my heart, I wouldn't go there, because it's just...not right.
I still love you Helena, but, like me - you tend to over-exaggerate a lot of things that causes you to say a lot of things that don't really mean in entirety (especially when you've been drinking).
No one is wrong here, but I'm just saying - it is indeed a messy situation.
I still can't get my head around it.
But I was a good girl last night.
And I ignored the temptations that sprung up throughout the night. For you.
Always for you.
x