inside the walls of my mind

music controls how i feelthere is a song for everything
and when im pissed off or sad or even just happy
i can pick out songs that affect my mood.
i guess thats why i like singing.
i could sit at my keyboard and play and sing for hours and be happy
singing gives me a chance to be someone else who doesnt have to worry about school or friends or family.


i like reading old texts.remembering the bitching about teachers in class, meeting up with friends at the bathroom, the fighting, the love texts, the funny jokes with friends that if an outsider read them they would probably be confused or think your a hooker.
just remembering good times.

remembering
smiling

laughing

being happy.

i still am
i just cant explain the fact that somethings missing and i dont know what it is.

i need the beach
just to go there and sit there hugging my knees in the wind and watch the waves
and be alone
only i dont want to be alone.

i had a dream last night.
that my mum was dead
i can really call it a dream i was a nightmare
it was fucking horrible
i woke up crying, and breathing all heavy
and it scared me
i dont want to loose anyone in my life
im scared of loosing people.
people are talking about change but im happy i dont want things to change because im scared it will go wrong.

i know it sounds stupid
but ive lost alot
and somehow i always see it coming.
and im just so scared.

and i know he will never see this and know its about him.